Mother Effing Chihuahuas

There are a couple of Mother Effing Chihuahuas that live down the street from me.  

I need to pause here for a moment to clarify that I don't think all Chihuahuas are of the Mother Effing variety.  I had a Chihuahua mix and he was a delightful little guy. But the ones down the street are most definitely Mother Effing Chihuahuas. Mother Effing Chihuahuas belong to a lesser class of demons.   

You can determine if the Chihuahua you are interacting with is in fact a Mother Effing Chihuahua if they rush out into the street like a small furry biker gang and pick a fight.  Or in keeping with my original metaphor, they act like hell spawn. I don't know if you have ever been jumped by a Mother Effing Chihuahua biker gang, but I have. Twice.  The first time resulted in spraining the middle knuckle of every finger on my left hand.  I'm a southpaw, so I can't say that was a convenient outcome.

The second time I got jumped was day before yesterday.  A little, black, fluffy, Satan in disguise rushed out at me and Luna, my Great Pyrenes mix.  

Normally this causes something of a kerfuffle while I wrest Luna past as she is bouncing in joy and delight at the sight of another canine.   

But, the day before yesterday, we were testing walking in the snow. I have only lived in a place that frequently snows for a little over a year, and Luna wasn't part of my family last winter, so we needed to do a test run.  I say "we" but really it was for me.  The test was really to see if I can stay upright while walking in snowy conditions, because she clearly had no difficulties.  Luna loves snow. Walking in the snow makes her face light up with joy. Being in the snow is a peak self-actualizing experience for Luna.

Luna

She continued to have no difficulties as I noted with alarm that we were walking on an icy patch.  Icy patches are not good for self-actualizing in measly two-footed mammals. As I was attempting to get somewhere with more traction, a Mother Effing Chihuahua, Mini-Satan (that's his street name), attempted to pick a fight, snarling and growling at Luna and I.  Luna, with four on the floor, kept her footing as she began the joyous bounce of delight.  I promptly landed on my ass.  And for a little extra oomph I had enough momentum to bonk my head too.  

Luckily, my pony tail and the hood on my coat padded my head and middle age has added some extra padding to my booty, so there was no long-term damage.  My ego remained intact, too because no one else appeared to be around besides Mini-Satan.  And honestly, I feel like it is entirely reasonable to have some difficulty around demons, even of a lesser class.  

To her credit, Luna stifled her joyous bounce to sniff inquiringly after my health.   

This was at the beginning of the walk, but I'm no quitter, so after some quiet cursing (On my part, not Luna's. She swears much less than I do), we carried on.  

We went on a walk again today.  I went on a route that is completely lacking in Mother Effing Chihuahuas.  I'm no quitter but I think knowingly tangling with a demon, lesser or no, is living a mite bit too dangerously for me.  

Ju-ju Bee: The Cat That Ignored Me

I had to get a selfie to prove she
was paying attention to me!

I have a cat named Ju-ju Bee.  She is rather elusive to tell you the truth.  I have fewer pictures of her than all my other animals, including the chinchilla, who is nocturnal!  

Despite having been born in my closet, she has spent most of her 4 years of life ignoring me and all the other human members of our family.

She also mostly ignores her brother, Blizzy Boy.  

Ju-ju loves our St. Bernard the best.  She spends lots of time grooming Kona's face and rubbing her face all over Kona's face. She also occasionally naps with Kona. 

But people, nada.  Nothing. Zero. Zilch.  

Ju-Ju's bff Kona

She really could care less.

Well, unless she is out of food. When she is out of food she meows and looks at me pointedly.  

Otherwise, I and the rest of the family are non-entities.  

Until a few months ago when she started visiting me when I was eating breakfast.  She would sit on the table so I could pet her with one hand while I ate with the other.

Luckily, I am sort of ambidextrous. I can wield a spoon with my right hand while petting a cat with my left.   

So far I haven't attempted to eat the cat or pet my oatmeal.  

I see papers, I must sits!

A couple nights ago I was working on a project at the kitchen table and she did the typical cat thing-  she sat on my papers.  

This has literally never happened before.  

And she was purring and head-butting me. I've only heard her purr a few times.  Her brother is a constant purr machine.  He purrs so intensely that he drools.    

I seriously don't get it.  

If she was a person with such a drastic personality change I'd suspect drug use or a head injury.  

She's a cat though, and I am pretty sure I don't have some secret stash of cat nip in the house.  

So far she continues to ignore the rest of the family, human or canine.  

She graces me with her presence at breakfast and then spends the rest of the day doing important cat things.  

I'm curious to see if she progresses to sitting on my lap, or let's not get hysterical, sit by me on the couch.  

She is really the cattiest of cats I have ever known!  

Never a dull moment around here.  Just when I think I have stuff figured out, the Universe is like "Nope!  Just for funsies, Ju-ju is now going to pay attention to you! Hahahaha!!"  

I'll just consider it a gift from the Universe and be grateful there is never a boring moment around here!  

A Short Story About Plumbing

A short story about our plumbing: Not long after moving in our home 5 1/2 years ago, the plumbing backed up and flooded part of the downstairs. 

Plumber showed up- "probably tree roots, blah, blah blah. Use this stuff." We paid $$$. 

Plumbing backed up again, this time some other explanation,"blah blah blah." $$$. 

Backed up again. "Blah blah blah" $$$. 

The new, fully functional drain pipe.

My husband, Aaron tries to fix it himself but the drain snake isn't long enough. 

Plumber, "blah, blah, blah," $$$. 

Aaron decides enough is enough and buys an 80 FOOT drain snake. Clears the drain himself several times. 

Eventually surmises that the drain snake is clearing a blockage so far down the pipe that it is in the city's pipe. 

Call out the city- they decide, "Nope, it your problem." 

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. 

Had the city out a few more times. 

Had a few more plumbers. 

One plumber tells us the main drain pipe out of the house has a sag that is causing everything to back up. It will cost approximately $5000 to fix. 

This was last summer. We were way too overwhelmed with the symptoms Lyme Disease & treatment to deal with it. So we procrastinated. 

When he felt well enough a few weeks ago, Aaron started to dig out the pipe. We were planning on getting it done and trying to figure out how to do it inexpensively. We weren't sure how to meet those two goals, recognizing that Aaron operates at about 50% capacity most of the time. 

This morning- 71 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off, the city rang the door bell and informed us that we couldn't use our water because they were fixing their part of the sewer system. 

THE PART THEY HAVE SAID ALL ALONG WASN'T BROKEN AND INSISTED THAT IT WAS OUR PROBLEM!! Turns out their part (a concrete pipe) WAS TOTALLY CRUSHED so of course stuff eventually built up and backed up into the downstairs of our house. 

I'm guessing they won't be paying for us to remodel the downstairs bathroom. 

The story could stop here... I could just marinate in irritation that we dealt with the problem for 5 1/2 years and were about spend a ton of money on something that wouldn't fix the problem.

Or...

I can reframe, which is often called "Looking on the bright side." 

I prefer to use the term reframe because sometimes people get irritated when you tell them to look on the bright side.

So, the reframe for this situation that this is one time procrastination paid off and we don't have to scrape together $5000!

Cue celebration!  Now the time and energy we would have to devote to this problem can be devoted to something else.

Hopefully, that means we will finally build a tree house for my daughter, which is another thing that has been pending for 5 1/2 years!  

Now I can marinate in relief and excitement, which is so much better!

Little Ray of Sunshine

A semi-autobiographical, somewhat exaggerated cartoon based on my husband and I, plus occasionally our daughter and animals.  My husband creates the story line and I draw them.  Our daughter will also help with future story lines and drawing.  This will be an occasional series as inspiration happens to strike!

Solving the Problem of January

Candles help create hygge.

HOO-gah.

Not hoo-RAH, the traditional greeting for Marines.

And not Ah-CHOO, the sound of sneezing,

Or ooh-GAH, like those old-fashioned car horns.

HOO-gah.

Which is actually spelled hygge.

If you are confused about how the sound HOO-gah can come from the word hygge, do not despair.

Hygge is a Danish word.

I don't speak Danish but I am taking their word.  I hope Denmark doesn't mind.

There isn't a direct translation, it is one of these words that are culturally specific.

Like, I imagine that it is hard to translate "groovy" to Japanese or "fleek" into Swahili.

Despite the translation difficulties hygge is my key to solving the problem of January.

January can be pretty but it is usually grey & dreary.  

The problem of January, is of course, that is is dreary, cold, with little sunlight and no holidays to brighten things up.

I historically despise January.

January historically despises me right back.

Usually it gives me a major depressive episode.  Or at least a minor one.  But depression. Depression is always part of the package.

February isn't great either but it is shorter and also contains Valentine's Day. That usually gives me a little bit of extra pep to survive until spring.

January, though, it has got nothing.

Enter hygge.

Hygge is a feeling of contentment and well-being.

Hygge is generated from focusing on simple pleasures such as feeling cozy when it is cold outside.  Or the enjoyment you get from fuzzy socks and warm drinks.

Or the enjoyment you get from watching a fire or holding a purring cat.

Candles also feature prominently in hygge.

One article I read said that Denmark has the most candles per capita in the world.

I suppose if you are going to have a world record for something, it might as well be something nice like candles.

Unlike Australia, which I think has the greatest number of deadly creatures per square mile or some such thing.

Hygge also includes a feeling of togetherness and conviviality.

Conviviality is not a regular part of my vocabulary either but I'm taking this word too.

It describes a friendly and enjoyable atmosphere or feeling.

January can't compete with hygge.

It just crumbles under the contentment and togetherness.

My version of hygge is to create a warm, cozy home environment focusing on time with my family and creating a sense of authentic togetherness.

Hygge is celebrating our family and this life we built together.

With lots and lots of tea and fuzzy socks.

Decorating in Shades of Dirt

On two separate occasions I have gotten a brand new bathtub as part of remodeling a bathroom. In both instances, I swore that I would be diligent about scrubbing the bathtub on a regular basis to preserve its pristine whiteness.

The new tub as it was being installed

As I was scrubbing tub #2, which was installed almost 2 years ago, I had time to contemplate my cleaning abilities.  I can state unequivocally that I am incapable of keeping a bathtub in pristine condition.  I'd blame my family but honestly, I am the primary bathtub cleaner around here so this is primarily due to my slothfulness.

I  love home decorating but my house needs a special type of decorating!  Based on the color of the grime in my tub, I should probably get all my bathroom fixtures in a light grey/beige color.  Fancy-schmancy designers have taken to calling this color greige.  My family's dirt tends to be in the range of the lightest colors on these paint chips.  Not only would I be disguising our dirt, I'd also be trendy!

Popular greige options
from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/53/f0/c6/53f0c69276f366c4b7274949743e0da3.jpg

As I continued scrubbing, I realized that making decorating choices based on the color of our dirt is an option that works well in other areas of my home.

Take the hallway for instance.  There is a St. Bernard sized patch on the wall right above the baseboard that is a warm beige versus the rest of the white walls, courtesy of my St. Bernard.  She is pained whenever we are separated by the door and makes it a habit to lie outside of whatever door I am behind.  This shade of beige would actually be quite lovely and I am thinking of having my husband repaint the hall right before we put in new flooring.

Yes, our flooring does need to be replaced.  When we moved into a house with pristine white carpeting and promptly got a St. Bernard.  Did I mention we did that in January, in the rainy Pacific Northwest?  Yeah, our carpet was toast.  We've just been waiting until it got so gross we couldn't stand it anymore.  Incidentally, that has given us enough time to save up to pay for the new flooring.  I am hoping that we will be able to do that this spring, because parts of the carpet are now approaching shades of dark greige.

I have also chosen the color of this new flooring based on our dirt.  This is more of a dark brown shade due to tracking dried pine needles and bits of mud.  I've already replaced the flooring in two bathrooms with this color scheme.  Let me just say that this does an excellent job of disguising debris.  Even the St. Bernard hair.  Her white hair is kind of translucent, so until there is so much on the floor that it starts to clump, it works excellently!

I was feeling pretty happy with my plan until I started on the bathroom ceiling.  I ran into a bit of a snag in my decorating plan to hide all traces of dirt.  The climate of the Pacific Northwest facilitates lush plant growth, including mold and mildew.  Which is why I was scrubbing the mold off of my ceiling.  In order to disguise that little problem, I'd have to paint my ceiling black.  I can't say that I would like a black ceiling.  And my husband had the nerve to point out that unchecked mold growth on ceiling might pose a health problem.

Ahh...guess I am just going to have to deal with the mess the old fashioned way.