Alive

Creativity Challenge Day 18- Alive

I am still alive-

By S. Clark. Gouache paint on sketch paper

Major Depressive Disorder, no wait, that might be Bipolar Affective Disorder, Type II.

Sleep Apnea and just for extra fun, Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome as well.

Environmental Allergies. Pretty much anything that grows. And dogs. And cats. And dust mites.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum. What is that you say? Severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy to the point of being life threatening. I had meds and I lived but the last time I threw up was during delivery.

Approximately 10 hours of dental work to repair the damage to my teeth from Hyperemesis, when you are starving, like I was, the body will take nutrients from your teeth.

Food Allergies. From the constant vomiting ruining my stomach. There are only 5 problems foods now. I used to be allergic to 20.

Got a divorce, that was easier than you might think. A “good riddance to bad rubbish” sort of scenario.

Blended family issues growing up, but in hindsight that isn't much of a thing.

Crazy step-mom, that was a thing.

$40,000 in debt from medical bills and living on credit cards when I was pregnant. That really was a thing.

Ex-husband ruined my credit, had to get a legal separation from my current husband to protect him from the consequences of my bad credit. (Don't worry, we are still married, it is all good.)

Diagnosed with MTHFR. No it is totally not an abbreviation for a curse word, it is a genetic disorder that results in inadequate removal of toxins from the body and results in fatigue, allergies, Hyperemesis, to name a few.

I have dyslexia. I have dyscalculia. I have an auditory processing disorder.

So, what have we learned here? Life can knock me down. I get back up. My body can malfunction. I get back up. My body can malfunction again. I get back up. My finances can fall apart. I get back up. My finances fall apart again. I get back up. My marriage can fall apart. I get back up. My second marriage can be strained. I get back up. I have learning disabilities. I get back up. I am fatigued a lot. I get back up.

Not because I am amazing or better than anyone else. I am simply persistent. Persevering. Determined. Unswayed. Stubborn as all get out.

I complain. Occasionally I want to give up. Occasionally I give up for a few moments. I throw tantrums. I completely malfunction.

Then I get back up.

And because of that, I am still alive.

I love my daughter, I love my husband.

I have a house full of animals.

And plants.

I have gardens. The tomatoes were awesome this year.

I write and draw and paint. Although the drawing and painting are not always so impressive.

I've started taking photos.

I am learning to cook and I am a pretty good baker. Makes it easier to work around the food allergies.

I volunteer at my daughter's school.

I read lots and lots and lots of books.

I call my grandma.

I text my mom or my brother or a cousin.

I drink tea. When it is warm I drink tea on the deck.

And I live. No matter what I live.