A Love Story Through Food

In the last few years, my relationship with food has experienced several ups and downs. Previously, I had no problems. I liked food, it liked me. When I was pregnant with Aden, I couldn't eat anything for three months because I had constant nausea and vomiting as the result of Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG, please see http://www.helpher.org/, for details beyond "I puked constantly").  Even water made me sick. I threw up everything. The only thing I could keep down sometimes was Chicken Noodle Soup or Chicken Rice Soup. Hugh spent a lot of time holding my hair and cleaning up. He also spent a lot of time searching for and eventually procuring liquids that I could tolerate (vitamin water: green tea and some other orange thing only). I threw up so much soup I will never eat it again, I feel nauseated going down the soup aisle in the grocery store and I only recently allowed Hugh to eat soup, as long as I don't see or smell it. This was horribly depressing. Once enough medication got into my system I could hold food down but only certain things. So for approximately one month all I ate was tomato soup, 1 dill pickle and tuna sandwiches. Then, without warning the thought of that made me sick so I would switch. This was also depressing but was a vast improvement. Hugh spent a lot of time procuring and fixing the few items I could eat. By the end of the pregnancy I could eat mostly normal as long as I took my medication and didn't over extend myself. I was so happy when Aden was born because I thought I would be able to eat normal. Wrong! Aden proved to be sensitive to the food proteins in my breast milk. So, I had to cut out all allergen producing foods to clear our systems and then add things back gradually. This was also depressing. Again, Hugh spent a lot of time procuring and preparing food that I could eat. I don't remember much but Hugh says there was a lot of crying. I do remember eating a lot of rice and pears. Then, when Aden was almost one, it all went to hell again. This time the culprit was food allergies rather than reproduction. I ate zucchini bread and corn chips on Christmas Eve. That night I stayed up with hives, asthma, stomach cramps and general gastro-intestinal "distress" (if you get what I mean). I had no idea what hit me because last I knew I was only allergic to honey and dairy products. So, I took me to an allergy doctor. Surprise! I am now allergic to corn, zucchini, summer squash, peanuts, honey & dairy. Okay, easy enough to avoid. Who really eats zucchini anyhow? I was a little sad about the loss of peanut butter. But, little did I know! After repeated exposure to certain foods, my allergy list has drastically expanded. This was also depressing. And it really jacks your work day to stay up the night before dealing with an allergic reaction. So, I get me to an allergy doctor again. We retested in 2009 and 2010.  The new and improved food list ended up being quite extensive.  I kinda lost track around 15 different foods.  I read EVERY ingredient on EVERY food label to identify "safe" foods. These allergies have changed depending on my seasonal allergies and what I had been eating too much of.  What has remained the same is that I can't eat anything with corn in it. Including high fructose corn syrup, which is in EVERYTHING. (Go check your cupboard. You will be shocked.) At one point I was not eating any corn products, wheat products, sugar, caffeine, dairy (including butter and eggs, which I always had before), summer squash, zucchini, peas, green beans, soy, carrots, honey, peanuts, walnuts, hazel nuts, almonds, white potatoes, and I can't remember what else.  There might be more but I don't want to get up and dig through my files.  You get the picture anyhow, it was lousy and difficult and depressing.  But not as depressing as it might have been because I learned to adapt and I had my secret weapon. Hugh.  He kept right on procuring and preparing food I can eat.We experimented madly. We have actually come up with some good stuff and found other good stuff on the internet. I really missed bread and he developed a recipe! And other than the obvious difficulties with food over the past few years, the major theme behind this food saga is a love story. No matter what happened, no matter what he needed to do, no matter how awful it was, the man did not waver. This may not seem like a big deal, but every time he leaves the house to scour the town for some strange request, he is demonstrating his commitment to me and willingness to figure out the "worse" part of things so that even if it is not "better" we survive. Apple Butter at 11:15pm? Safeway, open until 12am. Ground buffalo at 9:24 pm? The Marketplace, open until 10Pm. Non-dairy egg substitute for baking? Amazon.com 24/7. No matter what my difficulty is, Hugh has unfailingly stepped up and walked with me.  Which, I think, is the foundation of a lasting relationship.  Yeah, communication is important, and you need to make sure you have time for physical intimacy and time away from the responsibilities of the world and all those things that are endlessly discussed in women's magazines.  But honestly, underneath all those things discussed in all those magazines, I believe the core piece is a deep, positive regard for your partner that leads you to do what needs to be done, whether it is finding apple butter or any other task a long-term relationship throws your way. 

You Can Never Plan These Things

Have you ever tried to make plans when it comes to cats?  I have and I don't recommend it.  Here is the sum total of cats and their accompanying plans...

 Camille

Louie

1) Louie and Camille- two sickly kittens I rescued from under my front porch.  Their mother was a mangy, starving stray and she somehow managed to give birth to two kittens.  I am physically unable to pass by an animal in need, so I caught the little buggers and fixed them up.  The plan was first to give them to a local rescue.  No dice.  All the rescues were full of kittens.  The supply is way beyond the demand for this particular product.  Okay, plan 2.  Take Camille, who was peeing on my furniture to the Humane Society.  Ah, no dice.  I got her into the building, completed the paperwork, returned to the car and began to cry hysterically.  The Humane Society could not guarantee that she would find a home and she might be put down.  My dear husband went back into the shelter and brought her back to the car.  We bought some expensive spray stuff that convinced her furniture was not a litter box.  Plan 3, try to find cats a new home.  Success!  An elderly couple wants both of them!  Wait, an elderly couple only wants Camille...  okay, Plan 4, find a home for Louie.  No dice.  We just kept him until this year when he went to what ever afterlife cats have.

2)  Shzung-  this cat literally walks in the (doggie) door and does not leave. I assumed, upon finding her on my kitchen counter one morning, that she was a confused kitty and set her outside.  She had a collar and looked healthy, she just needed to reorient and find her actual home.  That was a super simple plan, right?  Wrong!  She came back in doggie door that night, crawled into bed with us, parked it on my chest and stayed.  I put ads online, in the newspaper and put fliers around the neighborhood.  Surely someone was missing this sweet kitty, right?  Wrong!  No one claimed her!  I can't take her to the Humane Society and the rescues are always full (reference Camille and Louie, above).  So, we have a cat.  Actually, we have two cats because we still have Louie.  Please note, I never planned to have even a single cat!!

3) Shzung gets pregnant-  I, being a logical sort, made an appointment to have the pregnancy terminated and get her "fixed."  Sounds horrid I know, but we musn't forget the overabundance of cats.  My sweet husband, who also has never wanted a cat, doesn't "feel right" about my plan, so we have kittens!!  Yeah, three kittens!  Huckle, Three and Jamie, who were born in my bedroom (which, is a story in of itself, maybe I will share it later).  Jamie thought rugs were toilets, so she went to live with a family as an outdoor cat.  My daughter predicted Huckle's existence, so we had to keep her.  Truly, she told us when she was 4 years old "Shzung will have an orange and black and white kitten and I will name her 'Huckle.'"  You can't argue with foreknowledge.  But Huckle was the runt and kinda sickly, so we kept Three as a "back up cat," expecting Huckle wouldn't make it.  Huckle is now 12 pounds and larger than some dogs.  So, without planning to have even a single cat, I HAD FIVE.  They accumulate.

 Jamie, Three & Huckle

Huckle

Louie and Three

4)  Cats will be outdoor cats- oops no!  New management for the HOA, all animals must be inside or on leash.  Cats don't do leashes.

5) Okay, so we will wait patiently until we move and then the herd will be outdoor cats.  Nope!  We do move.  And into a place with 2.5 beautiful acres...  It's a cat's paradise.  No! It's not a cat's paradise!  Szhung ran away and then over the fenced portion of the yard (followed by our new dog.  That's another story, I will tell you later).  No problem, she will come back, she always came back when she sneaked out at our other house.  She hasn't come back...I am sad but cats come and cats go, right?  NO!  Not when your daughter is almost six.  She is sad.  My sweet husband tells her that Shzung went to a house with no dogs.  Alrighty then.  Our remaining cats like it outside and we figure the loss of Shzung was a fluke.  Then Huckle is gone for two days.  Yep, that's 48 hours.  Not cool.  I am heading outside to look for her again, expecting to come up empty handed.  When I open the door, she is there, standing on her hind legs with her paws on the front door.  "Meow," she says to me.  I have never been so relieved to see a cat in my life or any other animal for that matter.  Even more than a lot of humans.  Sigh... not cats outside ever!  The laundry room, which has space for crafting will now be devoted to litter boxes and cat supplies.  So much for Mom's craft room!  Plan has gone awry.  New plan is that small girl will not be sad because her cats disappear.

Why all this talk about cats, becoming a crazy cat lady and planning?  It is because you can never plan these things.  And by "these things,"  I mean anything that we encounter while on this Earth.  While we were living this cat saga, we were going up and down, back and forth, and generally all over the place with our other "plans."  Plans to buy a house, plans to pay off debt, plans make changes to our jobs.  Not a single one of those plans worked out.  We are in a new house and we are almost done paying off our debt, but not because of our specific plans.  We accomplished those things because we had a goal and identified what needed to happen right now to get closer to that goal.  We also, foolishly, tried to identify all the steps to completion of our goal.  Then we felt horrible when those steps did not take place.  When we thought we had a plan and every plan from that step did not materialize, it made us feel as though our plan would not happen at all and we would not reach our goals.  This is not true.  Just because one aspect of how you thought it would go, doesn't how you expected does not mean that the goal is unachievable.  It means that you must rethink the next step necessary to move closer to the goal.  When making grand plans, we lack all the information needed to have a detailed, step-by-step framework.  What I have learned is you only need to focus on what you are doing right now. You need to have a general game plan and some sense of the big picture, so you know what you are working towards but a detailed plan isn't going to cut it.  There are too many unknowns and too many surprises. Because living a life is a lot like having a cat.