There is a Basketball in the Bathtub and Other Thoughts on Parenting

Written in May, 2009

I am an expert in parenting, which I find hilarious because I have one child, she is only two years old and she watched 11, eleven, episodes of Dora the Explorer today. She watched 253 minutes of animated television. You don't have to be a parenting expert to think that maybe, just maybe, 11 episodes of Dora is about 10 episodes too many for a two year old. But it goes to show that parenting, like many life experiences is not what you expect. It is not even not what you expect. It is some other animal entirely. An animal that lives in some other universe that your feeble mind could never in its wildest dreams conjure up. I knew she would be her own person but I expected her to be, well, a little more like me but a lot less like me. Who knew I was so freakin' stubborn and moody? Besides that random genetic component (Aden, I am so sorry you have your father's skin and your mother's short legs, I'm sure you'll learn to cope. If not, there is always therapy, I can make some good recommendations.), the other wild card is your co-parent, someone who grew up different than you, has a different idea about what is important and in my case is NOT a parenting expert. He is awesome with her but we have wildly differing philosophies at times. My husband's happiest childhood memories involve movies and he probably spent 3/4 of his life with only the TV or his thoughts as companions. He has a sleep disorder and it has invovled many hours awake while the rest of the world was asleep. Given that frame of reference 11 episodes of Dora is completely fine, in fact, it is probably beneficial. After all, it is educational. And then there is food. Or rather, the food our daughter eats. I do not consider PBJ's, cheetos and popsicles to be ideal toddler food. I want her eating green beans, pasta and milk. She knows what is in a donut box and I had to move our small stash of chocolate because she remembered where we kept it and would help herself. She said "coke" before "Poppa." Her mother, who tends to be more of a health freak and less of a junk food junkie is afraid the battle for healthy eating habits will by lost. Who can compete with High Fructose Corn Syrup? I love screaming fits because she wants to have the 3rd popsicle of the day. It all just goes to demonstrate STRONGLY that I am not really in control of anything, which is why there is a basketball in my bathtub. Control freak here thinks all play things should be carefully stored in their designated spot. Just to be clear, the bathtub is not the basketball's designated spot. Control freak also did not buy the basketball as she tends to buy toys that are developmentally appropriate. A WNBA-sized basketball purchased before the child could walk doesn't quite qualify as developmentally appropriate. But, "what the hell?", I say. Aden likes it and its fun to have in the bathtub apparently. So, I am trying to make sure we hit the high points (treat other's with respect, etc, etc) and assume that, in the words of my friend Martha, "She won't be doing this when she is 15."