Five Dads & A Messy Family Tree

If my family was a tree, it would look like this!

I have five dads.  I have my #1 dad, Richard, who is my biological father.  My #2 dad, Karl, also known as "Dear," is my step-dad.  I also have a father-in-law, Duke, and step-father-in-law, Bill V.  Finally, there is my brother's biological dad, Bill A.  That's a lot of dads.  It makes for a tangled family tree.  

This conglomeration of dads came about because of divorces and remarriages.  Inherent in these divorces and remarriages, are tough transitions.  Rearranging family ties, readjusting relationships, forming new relationships and grieving past family ties, all these things are present in a family with five dads. 

This was not necessarily done gracefully.  Getting a divorce or being a child of divorcing parents is one of the most stressful life events. In fact, in my case, there have been tantrums, swearing, threatening to move to foreign countries, filling out immigration paperwork to move to a foreign country, therapy appointments and crying. 

Father's day makes me think of all these things, which I believe, is not the original intent.  Wikipedia states that "Father's Day  is a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society."  Sometimes it is hard to feel celebratory with a family tree that is a tangled mess.  

On Father's day I as posted pictures of each dad on Facebook, I realized that each dad has had a profound influence on my life today.  This influence is either because of their relationship with me as I was growing up or because of their relationships with my husband and daughter.  So many good things have come of having five dads, it is hard for me to really be unhappy about all the upheavals.  Of course, I sometimes wish that I had experienced less pain and fewer transitions.  But to wish that would also be to wish away core elements of my self, my relationships with others and my life.  

It is hard to wish those things away.  Even though I can't say that I have a perfect life, or I am perfectly happy or perfectly anything.  I still live an imperfect life that is messy and complicated.  But it is a life I choose.  I choose to embrace all aspects of my life, even those I didn't like, because all those events have lead me to my life and my self.