Sunny Days Are Ahead: Reflections on Vomit, Part 2

The only day of vacation I wasn't sick

In my case the nausea started at about week five or six, the middle of July 2006. We went on vacation around week seven. We cut our vacation short because I was nauseated and couldn't get out of bed. I attempted to go to work around week 8 when our vacation was over. I made it through one day and was vomiting so much I couldn't drive myself home. I pulled over in a parking lot about two blocks from the office and had a friend come get me. That was the last thing I did until October of that year. My life became nothing but nausea and vomiting. I lost over seven percent of my body weight in less than two months. I thought I might lose my baby. I thought I might die.

I vomited so much and so violently I blew out the blood vessels in my eyes. I vomited so forcefully my bowels and bladder emptied without my consent. I vomited so frequently I lost track of how many times I vomited when I reached 20 in an one hour period. I vomited on the bed and apologized to my boyfriend as I did it because I knew I could do nothing other than vomit. I vomited while showering. I vomited when I ate anything. I vomited when I drank water. The ring of my cell phone caused me to vomit. I vomited in plastic bowls, the toilet, my plate of food. There. Was. Nothing. Other. Than. Vomit.

My boyfriend was my life line. We had been together only a year when I got pregnant. He did the grocery shopping, cleaned the house, took care of the dog, paid the bills, took care of the details of my emergency medical leave from work, held my hair while I threw up, helped me take showers, emptied bowls of puke, went to the store dozens of times a week to try to find something, anything I might hold down, if only for a few minutes, held me when I cried, and cried and cried.

Eventually, when I was on medication and could have some time without nausea, I joined an on-line support group for women with HG. Many of these women were abandoned by their significant others, often emotionally and sometimes even literally. Husbands and boyfriends just couldn't cope and they checked out mentally, started an affair or moved out completely. I cannot even fathom surviving without him. I have very little memory of those first few months of sickness other unending nausea, vomiting and utter desperation. However, I do remember hanging on to the life line that was him.

He felt like he was drowning or stuck on an island of sickness. No one really understood what we were going through and no one had ever heard of HG. He says that I didn't want anyone around, even when I was feeling better. I don't remember that. I do remember my mother-in-law and my friend coming over, bringing flowers and a card from work. I was so out of it, that I would immediately fall asleep after they said something and wake again if they spoke. Later they told me that I just wanted them to leave. I think that was around the time that I started taking medication to combat the sickness.

I had very few options. Many women have their symptoms of HG resolve or at least lessen by the second trimester. My boyfriend and I had decided that I would “tough out” the first trimester and hope that I was one of those women. We figured that my body could survive malnutrition and dehydration for a couple months. I was not one of those women. My nausea and vomiting continued unabated. I would attempt to hold down chicken noodle soup or Vitamin Water long enough to for some nutrition to absorb but essentially, I threw up everything.